Gertie's Gossip 12
Come Hither - It's me Miss Edith - here to spread the gossip.....
Oh don't you love a Royal Wedding....... Did you all have a party? We certainly did and I think I'm very lucky to be here to tell you about it ...... I really think we need to review health and safety policy here at the rescue.........Cannons are really not safe! I was going to pretend I had been to the wedding and was a bridesmaid but Gertie said that was silly and no one would believe me - So I thought I would tell you what did happen this week!
The acrobatic trio - Hercule, Pepe and Stan told me they had been contacted by Clarence House to perform at the wedding and that they needed like a beautiful sow assistant to front their display! How could I refuse? Even Gertie Jnr agreed I was the sow for the job.......
I was to wear a tiara and sparkling gown they said and wave from their cannon looking cute and when they said NOW...... jump out and do some leg kicks and they would fire red, white and blue confetti all around me........ I was supposed to be the grand finish!
So we had to practice they said.... and so I accepted Pepe's paw as he helped me up into the mouth of the cannon..... I had to get my rear end in - it was a bit tight - all 3 of them had to push very hard to get me in position.... it was quite undignified if I'm honest.... So once wedged in I patiently waited for my prompt to leap out.....I almost dropped off to sleep, their acrobatic display was a bit drawn out I felt....
Then all of a sudden the National Anthem struck up, I knew it was surely my big moment...... and the boys, each grabbed a corner of a crash mat - odd I thought .......and then a smell of match to fuse and Hercule shouted FIRE......
BOOM ......someone had lit the cannon and I hurtled through the air like a cannon ball/baked potato..... I tried to hold my legs in a graceful pose .... but it was more of a sort of doggy paddle motion that I actually achieved.....
I landed 15cm's short of the crash mat.......with a thud.
This was apparently my fault........for saying I was 200g lighter than I was - Apparently..... my white lie had buggered up Pepe's mathematical calculation of how far I would travel per pound of explosive..... I argue this was Pepe's ignorance of the female of the species..... what sow doesn't knock a few grams off ?
Mam and Karen have been creaming the baby girls everyday and things finally seem to be turning in the battle against fungal... well on the guinea pigs anyway.
What is semi amusing..... well I think it is.... Mam in her stupidity was giving them a to the chest cuddle to help them get over having the cream put on.... and now she has fungal too! Nobody has leapt forward to offer to cream her though! She is hoping David Beckham may take pity on her and come and do his bit........... (mam is so uncool).
The baby girls remain on pregnancy watch for now but will be available in June. 3 are reserved at the moment with Willow and Tallulah still seeking a home........
The 3 Boars....
Well after the cannon event - it really was time to split one of the three boars off to make a single and a pair. 3 boars long term was not going to work and made them unable to find a home. It is so hard sometimes running a rescue when you have to make these decisions. However, when we had the offer of a great home for a single boar to join another with an owner who was happy to work with a very nervous boar we knew it was the right time.
Chester a lone piggy was looking for a friend - so he had a boar date with Hercule - of course hosted by our very own Cilla.... Karen Corder.
We are over the moon to say that Hercule and Chester got on really well and left yesterday to start life together.... How proud does Chester look of his new friend!
I can also hint - although I no doubt will be in trouble for it ....... that as we speak - another bond is on-going and we hope that Lewis will be leaving with a sow to call his very own in the next day or so....... who needs a royal wedding when you have a Gertie's love match to tune in to?
Alice and Grace are also doing really well and now looking for a home. They really are a lovely pair of middle aged piggies who just need someone to give them a home and the love they deserve.
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